I'm assuming that because Claudia Schiffer is standing with Valentino, he designed her dress. She's a model who has presumably made millions of dollars in her career - please 'splain to me why she can't afford a make-up artist who can make her face less red? (Of course, next to the tanorexic Valentino, she doesn't look that bad.)
Next we see Queen Elizabeth's homely daughter Princess Ann with some chick in a suit. What? That's Tilda Swinton with Justin Bond? He's prettier than she is! She's wearing Prada, and matching gold eye shadow. She needs a stylist. Justin looks divine.
Katie Holmes has been looking terrific recently, especially when that toothy troll of a husband isn't at her side. He doesn't look bad in his custom-made Armani suit, but that vintage Armani in an eye-popping red does nothing for her, particularly with those blue shoes (yes, I know there was a superhero theme....). The sheen on the bustier and skirt ensemble is...a little tacky.
Kate Bosworth is wearing vintage Chanel, and I think she looks great, if somehow a bit casual for not wearing something floor-length. Joy Bryant was attacked by a Klimt painting, and Kimora Lee Simmons fell through a giant stained glass window before they got to the party.
How nice to see Elvira, Mistress of the Dark without her black wing! Huh? That's Fergie in Calvin Klein? The center shot is of Billy Joel's child bride Katie Lee wearing something out of her grandmother's closet. Finally, we have Mary J. Blige looking like a drag queen with her giant tattooed arms.
Every last photo of Beyonce (in Armani Privé) has her holding her hips, as if letting go would allow them to swell to such proportions her gown would burst.
Molly Sims looks great in a yellow Versace, and Amber Valletta is a bit over-the-top in her shiny pink gold Versace gown, but it somehow seems to fit the superhero theme with its billowy cape-esque sleeves.
Ashley and Mary Kate are both wearing Diane Von Furstenberg. Ashley looks good in her sexy cut-out dress, a shame she looks like she just got back from the beach from the neck up. Mary Kate's gold number looks ill-fitting, and her hair is a mess, but at least she's wearing makeup.
Has Donna Karan ever worn anything flattering? This big green pleated bag does nothing for her, and what's going on with her chest? At least it looks like she's recently washed her hair. Mischa Barton is a really pretty girl, but she's got odd fashion sense. I neither like nor hate the dress, but it seems too large for her. And...Dita von Teese. I don't get her. If she hadn't married that freak Marilyn Manson, would anyone have heard of her? Dress is nice though.
Thandie Newton thought the theme of the event was "What Eliot Spitzer's Ladyfriends Would Wear," so she got out some Chanel lingerie. Piper Perabo is just plain scary with that pose and the dark lipstick. And Scarlett Johanssen in Dolce & Gabbana looks like she's wearing Cinderella's undergarments - before she went to the ball.
David Beckham looks splendid in his custom made Armani. But his wife took so much time in putting on her fifteen pounds of make-up, she ran out the door in her peignoir. Is she completely naked under that thing? Hideous. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are both wearing Versace. I think he looks handsome in his classic tux (even if his slicked-back hair is dorky) but she looks a little trampy. But that's the Versace way, no?
Anna Wintour in Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel looks more like a science fiction character than a superheroine, but her daughter Bee Schaffer looks stunning in her ombre gown.
