Thursday, May 28, 2009

Cannes 2009, Part Un

The AmfAR Cinema Against AIDS 2009 benefit brought some lovely frocks out to play. And of course, some not-so-lovely.

Lovely: Peaches Geldof (even if she does strongly resemble her father, Sir Bob) The dress is a mite mature for her, and she didn't do a very good job of covering her tattoos, but she looks pretty.

Pretty: Marion Cotillard, in a subtle, minty, Deco-inspired number.

Not Pretty: Elsa Pataky modeling the latest in luxe prison wear. The back has a train-like appendage that makes her ass look really big, like a bumblebee in heat.

Can't Decide But Leaning Towards Not Pretty: Dita Von Teese (whom I still don't get). I know she's a burlesque performer, but she should wear a slip. Her legs and garter belt are distracting with all of those stripes. And what's with the string art at the neckline?

Pretty: Robin Wright Penn's dress. Not Pretty: the lack of makeup and what's with the hair?

Not Pretty: Paris Hilton, looking like a clown in drag. The dress is awful, and she's wearing too many baubles and gewgaws.

Pretty: Eva Green's dress. She strikes me as a bit wackadoodle, so the weird eye makeup and pale eyebrows doesn't surprise me, but it's not working with the dress.

Not Pretty: Diane Kruger, just because it's Chanel doesn't mean it works. You look stiff and uncomfortable. And you really need the crazy paper head sculptures worn on the runway.

On the Fence: There's no mistaking Charlene Wittstock for anything else but a swimmer. Maybe a linebacker, though. I like the pretty, simple, elegant dress, but it looks too delicate on the athlete.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Sample Sale

For you NY readers:

International fashion brands Nolita and Rare (Flash & Partners) are having their first US sample sale, and they have dropped prices immensely keeping in mind our recession friendly fashionista -- EVERYTHING IS UNDER $60

The brand’s premium cool apparel can be seen on starlets like Zoe Kravitz, Kate Hudson, Fergie, Natasha Bedingfield, Beyonce and many more.

Men, Women & Kids Apparel SAMPLE SALE

RARE The Kid

Thursday May 28th and Friday May 29th

39 West 19th Street
6th Floor

Premium Denim, Pants, Knits, Dresses, Skirts, Top and Much More!!


Adornment Craft Center and Gallery

I just dropped off a bunch of my jewelry wares at the Adornment Craft Center at 3600 Clipper Mill Road, Suite 130, in Baltimore.  It's tucked in a rather out-of-the way place called Meadow Mills, which is Hampden-adjacent. 
Adornment Craft Center & Gallery is the place to explore your artistic side. Whether you're a budding painter or beader or an established metalsmith, Adornment can provide a creative space to work and all the tools and supplies you'll need to complete your goal.
In addition to my glorious beadwork, the work of several other artists is available for purchase, including painting, sculpture, and jewelry. Saturday and Sunday brings the Savvy Art Market, from 10-4, where you can buy directly from the artists.

Please help support us starving artists by purchasing our handcrafted items!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Fashion Show - Episode Three

Again no Bravo recaps, so I did what I could.

No time is wasted this week in getting to the Harper's Bazaar Mini-Challenge. Laura Brown comes out and the designers all pretend they're pleased to see her. She tells them as a successful designer, they need to know how to sew. Johnny and Haven immediately feel nauseated. The challenge this week is a sewing relay in four parts: 1) fix a shoulder pad; 2) sew on missing buttons; 3) repair a zipper; 4) hem a skirt. The team to complete the most tasks in 35 minutes wins, and the designer who completes his or her leg of the race the best wins this challenge and immunity from elimination in the next.

For some reason, the designers have to do all of it on the floor.

And...they are in the same teams as in the last two weeks.  John-Paul-George-Ringo's team wins, and Lidia gets immunity.  Mehrleen then says something about "dey unwesterwestermate our qualeetee." 

After this, each team gets to appoint a new leader: Lidia, Daniella, and Reco. 

Just really lucky, I suppose.

The Elimination Challenge is then announced: each team must design coats for the four seasons, each with its own unique functionality.  And the four coats per team must form a cohesive collection. The designers get together to pick seasons and discuss themes.  Reco has decided on "Aeon Flux." Or, as he puts it to Isaac, "a modern day excursion to Mars." He thinks he's completely brilliant.

After a cursory trip to the fabric store, the designers get to work. Because Reco Not-So-Suave has to work with a bunch of Can't Sew Morons, he opts to make their patterns so he can gloat about his immense talent.

Somehow Johnny doesn't think that sewing skills are all that important. "This competition isn't strictly based on sewing," he whines.

It might be more entertaing if it were.

Time for a visit from Isaac and Kelly!

By the looks they get as they enter the room, it's easy to see they are fast becoming every designer's favorite. Doesn't Haven look distressed?

They visit Andrew first, and he tells them about his short jacket that has a hem that magically gets longer when it rains.

They don't seem impressed. Kelly suggests that he's been playing it safe, and Andrew claims he'll work on the concept to make it more interesting.  The Terrible Two then move on to their next victim.

James-Paul tells them his grandiose plans:

Wait - the Puffy Coat. Didn't Norma Kamali invent that hideous thing decades ago?  

After Isaac and Kelly leave, Daniella tells Andrew that he has to push the envelope and make the coat more extreme. If it gets longer, make it very long.  

When the models come in for their fitting, Reco takes the opportunity to tell us that Markus has a "good sense of style, but his execution is a negative 10." Nice to talk about your teammates that way, Reek.

Finally the sewing is done and the show must go on. The whole time, Reco obnoxiously tells everyone how much better he is than they.

As if to prove the point, Angel's zipper breaks and she is not allowed enough time to fix it before the models are gathered to go out.

Sad, when a model can't figure out a zipper, huh?

When James-Paul's sleeping bag coat comes out, Fern Mallis remarks to Isaac, "it has a casket-y feel that makes me uncomfortable." To which Isaac replies, "oh, I'm into caskets."  WTF? TMI!

Back in the Room of Doom, Kelly and Isaac are with Fern and Puffy Coat Queen Norma Kamali. Isaac tells the designers they did well overall this week, which was kinda shocking coming from him, especially considering all the eyerolling and smirking he did during his visit to the workroom earlier in the show.

Lidia's team is safe and goes to sit on the side. Daniella's team is given the win, which makes Reco's team the losers. Anna's coat - which is gorge - and Andrew's are the top two. Daniella tries to take credit for his design, being that she did give him lots of ideas and instruction, plus chose the fabric. Norma admonishes her, however, saying that a design director often doesn't get credit and that Daniella should have kept her big mouth shut. And maybe to spite her, they give Andrew the win.

Out of team Loser, they loved Reco's Martian snowsuit. An audience member had even called it "wearable" which was ridiculous.  It's a jumpsuit, people. As outerwear. Fine for 5 year-olds, but not so practical for an adult. But they couldn't give a prize to the best look on the losing team so they just went on to ridicule the other designers. Haven, whose coat was called a "hairdresser's smock with Mickey Mouse ears" was in the bottom two, along with Markus, whose coat exhibited some shoddy workmanship.  Isaac said they were worried he was more of a dreamer than a designer, and that Haven posessed more skills than she thought she had but lacked confidence. And lacking confidence was not as great a sin as being a dreamer, so Markus was given the boot.

And that's all folks. I can't do this anymore. No recap next week. Or the week after. Rinse and repeat.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Frankie Say...?

engrish funny make no
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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Fashion Week Video Game?



Multiplatform Videogames to Offer Game Players and Fashion Lovers the Chance to Experience Authentic ‘Fashion Week’ Events
From Around the World

LOS ANGELES (May 20, 2009) --- Global videogame publisher, 505 Games, and global sports, entertainment and media company IMG, today announced a new partnership to develop multiple, multiplatform console and iPhone games based on a concept created by world-famous make up artist Pat McGrath and fashion insider Noël Gordon. For the first time on the videogame platform, game players and fashion lovers alike will be able to enter the world of high fashion at Fashion Week, with a true insider’s point of view. Games will feature world-class industry gurus, top models and the star-studded runways of Fashion Week events worldwide. The first titles will be available in 2010 in all major markets around the world.

“The time is right to bring the high fashion world of Fashion Week events to the videogame platform and we’re thrilled to be partnering with IMG to make it happen,” said Adam Kline, president of 505 Games U.S. “With today’s videogame technology and IMG’s incredible reach into all facets of the global fashion business, we’ll be providing fashion enthusiasts the opportunity to experience all aspects of the international fashion scene at Fashion Week.”

IMG is responsible for the industry's most celebrated portfolio of Fashion Week shows and designer fashion events - from New York to Miami and from Moscow to Mumbai. Along with showcasing world-class designers at invitation-only Fashion Week events, IMG champions the fashion business in many other ways -- providing hundreds of hours of Fashion Week programming as well as customized fashion content for worldwide distribution over every type of medium, including the Internet, iPods, PDAs and mobile phones. With offices in New York, London, Paris and Milan, IMG’s modeling arm, IMG Models, expertly manages the careers of the world's top models and trend-setting celebrities.

"IMG Fashion is thrilled to be working with 505 Games on an interactive fashion video game which incorporates all the elements of our industry, from the glamour of fashion weeks, and runway shows, to the models, designers, stylists, hair and make-up artists, the parties and celebrations. By combining IMG Fashion’s experience, expertise and relationships in this space with 505 Games’ abilities, I'm sure we will all soon become video game fashionistas," said Fern Mallis, Sr. VP IMG Fashion.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week - Mexico

Mexico Fashion Week Autumn/Winter 2009 is happening in Mexico City now. Suprisingly, models aren't wearing anti-swine-flu masks on the runway.

Here's a sampling of Noche de Estrellas over-the-top looks for the upcoming fall/winter season.

Any shorter, and we'd be seeing some hootchie cootchie action. The back's not so bad, though. A little sheer, perhaps.

The texture on this fabric is fantastic, but I don't think the garment is wearable by any but the skinniest among us. And even's bascially a one-shouldered blob.

Here's a little something for a casual stroll around the city...not.

I'm not even sure what to say about this one. Valentino would hate it.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Designer Soos!

engrish funny calvim klain
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Monday, May 18, 2009

Seeing Double

This is from a great site called Awkward Family Photos.  Not sure that this pic is particularly awkward, but the clothing is sure hideous! And the hair...and the man-jewelry...and....

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Fashion Show, Episode Two

For some reason, Bravo hasn't been putting up recaps of episodes on their site anymore. Last week I had a full episode to screen cap, but this week I only have 3 of the 4 previews (one has suddenly disappeared) and stills, so this is going to be short and sweet. Ok, probably not sweet.

At least we get one brief shot of naked male torso. Even if does belong to the PantyChrist.

And, right off the bat, Kristen packs her organic pickled-beet-juice hair dye and heads out of town with tears in her eyes. Apparently the harsh words from Isaac after the previous Elimination Challenge really upset the poor young thing. He was pretty mean, wondering if she should even be in the fashion industry after the outfit she put on the runway. Seriously, he was over-reacting. It wasn't that hideous - we've seen far worse on Project Runway. (Think Vincent Libretti. He produced week after week of dreck, yet someone else always got eliminated.)

Bye Kristen/Kristen (how is it spelled? - Bravo has done it both ways.) You've got a whole life ahead of you. Might want to work on growing some thicker skin though--Isaac isn't the only harsh critic you will find out there.

The designers gather in the workroom where Isaac and Kelly lie in wait with some fabulous news:

They couldn't find anther black velvet bag like the one Heidi uses, so they have decided to skip the whole picking teams thing each week. Keith has a problem with this situation.

Because Jean-Paul Jean-Georges Paul Michael Glaser James Earl Jones James-Paul won last week's Elimination challenge, it's up to him to choose one member from either his team or Mehrleen's team and donate him or her to Keith. He chooses to move Daniella, which makes both her and Mehrleen very hoppy.

(I almost understood the red jumpsuit and cape from the first episode, but WTF is Mehrleen wearing this week? A dorky fleece hat with earflaps, one of my Grandma's Polish table schmattes and something his own Mama knitted for him?)

For the Harpers Bazaar Mini-Challenge, Laura Brown comes out to smirk at the designers. She also tells them this challenge is about wearability and saleability. Each team gets a box of clothing containing both high-end and affordable items. The team must sort through the garments and correctly separate the pricey from the cheap, dressing their forms in the corresponding outfits.

Team Tubedress, you are the next contestants on the Price is Right! Come on down! After a couple of tries, they got their outfits correctly arranged in 7 minutes and 29 seconds. Team Harem Pants sucked at the challenge and took nearly twice as long to complete the task. Team Bolero wins in a mere 3 minutes and 47 seconds.

Next up is the Elimination Challenge. But first, the teams must each pick a new Team Leader. James-Paul becomes leader of Team Bolero; Team Tube Dress chooses Anna (who? oh yeah, the girl who looks like she needs to sleep for about a week), and Team Harem Pants chooses Haven.

Isaac has really missed his calling. He should have become a conductor instead of a fashion designer. He announces the challenge:

Ooh...a socialite! Well, someone has to spend daddy's money and keep designers in business! And the socialite du jour is Tinsley Mortimer. Which is almost as ridiculous a name as Mortimer Snerd. She is, however, slightly better looking than said Snerd. At least she's experienced higher-quality dental care.

This poor pitiful waif has soooo many party invitations, she doesn't know what to do! So instead of opting to send a check while staying home in her pajamas to catch up on her reading (like, books, not, like, fashion magazines), she has decided to attend every damn function. And of course she has *nothing* to wear to any of them! Pardon me while I search for that tiny violin....

Not only do the designers have to come up with appropriate outfits for Mrs Topper Mortimer (Gad, these names make me want to slit my wrists; don't rich people have anything better to do than make up cutesy names for their children?) they also have to create an appropriate hairdo for each outfit.

Wow - bleached blond hair as a signature. How novel. Why hasn't anyone else ever thought of that? Judging from the many photos of Mrs Mortimer on the Web, she wears her hair down most of the time; sometimes it's wavy and sometimes it's straight, but she never combs enough of it over her face to obscure it. And what's with the raccoon eyes?

Anyway, that's the challenge - design a head-to-toe look, hair and all. For less than $40. Yes, that sends some designers into a tizzy.

Because James-Paul's team won the mini-challenge, they each get $50 to spend. Wow - some advantage.

The teams then discuss their collections. Tinsley gave no indication of what she is looking for, so the designers have to pretty much make things up. On team James-Paul:

J-P then goes on to say that stealth fighters were "new." Kiddo, they were around since the 80s. Probably before you were born. However perplexed she might be, Angel takes the theme literally and decides to make paper airplanes to affix on her dress.

Anna Needs-Sleep wants her team to pay attention to detail, knowing that the low budget won't pay for luxe fabrics. Smart gal.

And Haven wants her team to go with her favorite look - Linda Evans, circa 1980s. Dynasty. (Ok, maybe stealth fighters are newer than Linda Evans.) At the fabric shop, team-mate Laura wants to buy some bright red tulle, but the others shoot her down. She buys it anyway, much to Haven's chagrin.

She thinks they're ganging up on her and they're not articulating why they don't like the red. If all of your teammates hate the red, honey, then there's no need to give an explanation. It's four against one. 

Meanwhile, that's not the only issue that Team Haven is having. Johnny admits that he finds sewing difficult. 

And Reco complains that "Markus, he don't have one piece made." 

Regardless, it's time for the designers and models to head to the TRESemmé Product Placement Lounge to discuss hair with Jeanie Syfu of the weirdly-cut bangs.

Isaac and Kelly then pay the designers a visit. Mentors, they ain't. Bitches, they is.

Afterwards, they make like high school girls and go into the hall to talk about the designers behind their backs.

Finally, we have a Fashion Show. Team J-P has a pretty coherent collection. Team Haven has a nightmare. Team Anna looks pretty good.

Backstage during the show, Reco brings up his issues with Laura and her red tulle, which she used against the group's collective wishes. 

But even without it, her dress looked like hell. See for yourself.

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

Laura still didn't understand that her team did not want her to use the tulle.

Although Reco's main concern, apart from Laura's blatant disobedience, seemed to be that her use of that particular fabric would cause disharmony in the total look of the collection, I felt that there wasn't much cohesiveness there to begin with. 

After the show, they gather again for judging. Fern Mallis and the Socialite join Isaac and Kelly.

Anna's team was declared the winner, with the top two looks belonging to Anna and Daniella. And Daniella's rock-and-roll party look was deemed the winner. Funny, I distinctly remember Isaac and Kelly making fun of her outfit during Sneerfest....

Not bad. Not great, but not bad. And a version of it is on sale at

J-P's team is safe. Which leaves Haven's team as the big losers. Markus' unflattering outfit put him on the line, along with Johnny's Can't-Sew's safety-pinned together creation, and Laura's red tulle disaster.

Johnny was defensive over his "no more wire safety pins!" criticism and suggested that he be sent home. This infuriated Isaac who had a hissy fit and had to be given a paper bag to breathe into so he wouldn't faint away from sheer bitchiness. 

In the end, however, it was Laura who was given the boot. Her dress was simply hideous, tulle or no.  And her pink eyeshadow creeped everyone out.

Next week: More fashion! More sneering! 


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