Thursday, January 24, 2008

Project Runway - Nein!

At the start of this episode, the remaining seven contestants are transported across the East River to a filthy Port Authority warehouse containing several hundred pairs of Levi's 501 jeans in various washes, hung like so much dirty laundry.

This week's challenge was issued by guest judge, Levi's creative director Caroline Calvin: "Create an iconic denim look of your choice that captures the originality and creativity embodied by the Levi's spirit" (or some ridiculous PR hooey like that).

It's Ready! Set! Go! as the designers race around madly, collecting garments with which to construct their newest project.

Back at Parsons, the designer set to squabbling. Christian, in his infinite wisdom and maturity, decides to harp about the challenge.

"Deconstruction. I did that in design school."
"I feel so manly working in denim."

Despite working well together last week (at least according to the editing), Chris had enough of Christian's whining:

"Someone give him a bottle and send him to bed."

"Christian is like a cartoon character," opined Rami. "If I had hair, I'd want to tear it out of my head."

Why not just grab a handful of Christian's instead? Bet it feels crusty.

As we look around the room at the designers' creations, we see that Victorya and Jillian are both making trench-coat-like garments. Jillian is a bit ticked because she thinks Victorya is stealing her idea from last week. But Jilly, baby, just because you got praised for it once doesn't mean you should do it again. It didn't work for Rami, and it won't work for you.

Tim Gunn then comes in to make disparaging comments about the works in progress.

Sweet P's denim wedding dress (!) makes Tim think of "happy hands at home granny circles" despite there being no grannies or circles in the vicinity. She gets extremely dismayed at his comment and immediately starts to change her design. Remember, the last time this happened, she ended up with a skirt resembling the sta-dri lining of a maxi pad.

So what did all this denim become in the end? The judges seemed really enthusiastic this week, giving far more praise to the designs they liked than usual.

Rami: No draping! Nearly-innovative use of zippers as ornament (see Sebelia, Jeffrey)! The judges were quite relieved to see something that they didn't have to pick apart. And the rest of the world was relieved that he wasn't such a royal ass this week.

Christian used pant legs as sleeves and sleeves as pant legs. The judges were too busy fawning over and petting the Shih Tzu that they didn't seem to notice that Christian made yet another jacket, and one that was patched together with different shades of denim creating a sort of fabric Frankenstein. In fact, it looked like he took this outfit and added extensions. And what's with the bulgy shoulders? Why is it that other designers get slammed for creating similar looks, but Christian hears nothing but praise?

Jillian's coat seemed like it could be a good idea at first (ignoring that we already saw it last week) but it ended up a hot mess in the end, with rough seams, too many fussy details, and mismatched denim. It was too complicated and ambitious for the amount of time allotted, particularly for one with time management issues. She's lucky that Victorya's coat was even uglier.

Chris disappointed the judges this week. After his dramatic creation last week, he delivers a boring version of a little black dress. It looked rough around the edges, and Heidi complained that it looked "home-sewn." MK thought it was "very Joan Cusack in 'Working Girl.'" Oh, were she that classy, Mike!

Sweet P, whose doom seemed all but spelled out in the workroom under Tim's baleful gaze, managed to create a nice strapless dress out of her potential nightmare wedding dress. Michael Kors thought it was "super-chic" and said it had some "slimming Voodoo." No, Michael, that model is a stick insect. She's so scrawny, she disappears when she turns sideways. It's not the dress.

Ricky: The judges are happy to see that Ricky finally put his lingerie experience to work. They wet their respective panties and proclaim the dress a miracle. Michael Kors foams at the mouth over Ricky's styling choices, exclaiming, "I love Amy Winehouse!" (Were I the model, I'd be insulted. I love Ms Winehouse too, but have you seen what that crackhead looks like these days? Truly sad.) And the biggest miracle of all - Ricky pulls off a win. To celebrate, he cries (natch).

Victorya turned out a "reconnoitered jacket with a party skirt glued on." Can't agree with you more, MK. It was sloppy, amateurish, and as noted by Nina, uninspired. Not to mention too similar to Jillian's coat. While this fembot has occasionally looked good for the final four, she got the boot this week.

Can't say I'll miss her.


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