Saturday, August 2, 2008

Shear Genius, Episode Six

I would like to thank Oscar Blandi and Rene Fris for helping me with posting the recap last week. As you know, I was a bit pressed for time this week as well, but when I approached Oscar for help again, he said, "What? you thinka I havea da time for this sheet? And youa no pay me enough!" So sorry for the wait, but here it is:

We finally get to see something by Paulo up on the Allure Wall of Cheesy Magazine Cover Mock-ups! Go Wolfman!

This week's short cut challenge is a color competition. If Parker was still around, I'm sure he'd be reminding us that:

Anyway....the challenge is to create vibrant, in-your-face, over-the-top (V IYF OTT) hair color. In other words, make the poor clients look like a clown barfed on their head (yes, that is my recap theme for the week). Kim Vo, superduper colorist to the stars - "including Perez Hilton!" (c'mon, are you really proud of that?) - will be judging the results.

Because V IYF OTT hair color takes time, the stylists get 4 hours for this challenge, an announcement that brought cheers.

Paulo tells Kim he is going to make his client's hair blue, but first he has to strip it to the base color (which somehow is screaming yellow). Kim, color expert that he is, reminds Paulo that blue + yellow makes green. Wow - learn something new every day!

Dee wanted to make her client look like a bird of paradise, which in my head is orange and purply-blue and green. Really - who wants that on her head?

Nekisa is making her client's hair red and purple, but her sink magically backs up as she's rinsing out the dye and for some reason the water How'd that happen? Because one of the features of V IYF OTT hair is "vibrancy," and dull dark purple hair isn't particularly vibrant, Kim chose Nekisa to sit in the bottom two. She wasn't happy with that and started whining and making excuses.

Why is this woman still in the competition? Inquiring minds want to know!

You don't know either, huh? Poor Paulo didn't end up with the blue hair he desired (maybe he should have used Nekisa's sink for rinsing?) and ends up in the bottom two and is eventually declared the loser.

As for the top two, that would be the always-smug Charlie, and the always-Charlie-hatin' Dee. And Kim gave Dee even more reason to hate Charlie for awarding his multicolored updo the win over Dee's turd bird of paradise.

Don't mince words, Dee. Tell us what you really think?

Back at the house, Nekisa and Charlie get into a catfight. Or, as Daniel put it, an "Alabama dogfight." I guess cats look like dogs in Alabama? Or maybe Daniel just can't tell the difference. Because Nekisa is such an easy target, Charlie likes to pick on her for sport. He obviously thinks he's a better stylist than she is and tells her as much.

Dee surprisingly doesn't jump in to defend her crush Nekisa. But she knows there's more to that girl than just a pretty face (with far too much makeup on it). Tell us, Dee:

Even Charlie noticed that. He said that everyone likes a shapely woman (gay men love the boobies!) and he made a crack about her missing the porn awards that evening. Deliciously cruel, that Charlie. Love him.

The next morning, the stylists go back to the Nexxus Shear Genius salon and find waiting for them The Mysterious Faux Woodgrain Box of Doom. Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard....

It's Charwie, announcing the Charwie's Angews Chalng! They were unable to get the 90-year-old John Forsythe to make an appearance from the nursing home, so they asked Rene to fill in.

I have to give the man some credit - he really did try to sound like Charlie and struggled to pronounce everything properly.

Because Charlie (the stylist) won the short cut challenge, he was assigned to pair up the remaining stylists into teams of two. He chose Dee with Nekisa, Daniel with Paulo, and Glenn with Nicole. Charlie knew Dee would be bossy and that would piss off Nekisa, and that Glenn has been trash-talking Nicole of late. Potential squabbling on the salon floor and lots of enjoyment for Charlie!

Each team was to color and style the hair of their groups of three clients to resemble updated versions of the iconic Charlie's Angels looks.

Paulo reveals that he had a big crush on Jaclyn Smith in the Charlie's Angels days, but he also had a thing for the guys on CHIPS and Jack Tripper. He liked to cover all the bases in those days.

Daniel announced that their team was going to "take these bitches down!" When asked what bitches, he responded, "anyone with a vagina!"

Once the teams finished arguing over who was going to do what and got all of the cutting and styling done, it was time for the Hair Show!

Kate Jackson was introduced as the guest judge. She looked pretty good, I suppose, but not as good as Jaclyn. (Hey, where's Farrah? Couldn't they have gotten Cheryl Ladd at least? Shelly Hack?)

Everyone looked pretty bad. One of the "Farrahs" looked more like Nicole Ritchie, and tell me that's not a nightmare?

But Nekisa sucked most of all, I thought. Her hair looked more squidlike than Meredith's losing do from a few weeks back. I was gratified to see that she was once more in the bottom 2, along with, very surprisingly, Glenn. Glenn was actually a favorite of mine in the competition, maybe not to win, but certainly to go just about all the way.

But...that is not going to happen. Glenn was told to pack her knives and go that she had made her last cut.

Not everyone was particularly sad to see Glenn go.

Except Paulo, who is now the designated cryer.


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