Thursday, August 7, 2008

Shear Genius, Episode Seven

This week, the Allure Wall of Cheesy Magazine Cover Mock-Ups is even more embarrassing bare than it is with a winner's image. And Jaclyn makes sure the stylists know that she is disappointed in all of them.

Things we'll never actually hear Jaclyn say. Sigh.

As punishment, this week's Short Cut challenge will be judged by a wacky tree-hugger with long 80s hair-band-style hair and a penchant for using food as styling products.

Hallowell unveils a table full of food products that pretty much runs the gamut from soup to nuts. From molasses to tuna fish, at least.

The challenge is to create a futuristic look "beyond belief" using food instead of normal salon products. Each stylist must pick two products to start.

Nicole is sensitive to smells, which thrills the delightfully fiendish Charlie as it could make her sick and get her eliminated. While reveling in his evilness, he takes the opportunity to razz Nekisa as she picks out her foodstuffs. He wants her gone as well (and who doesn't at this point?)

Take it honey. You need it.

Daniel mans up and takes the woo!scary peanut butter. I don't even want to know why he has such issues with it. He also chooses avocado. Later, he picks up some raw beets to use as testicle-like decorations.

Squeamish Nicole also decides to grow a pair and uses squid as a festive addition to the rat's nest she created on her client's head. Wait - squid is decorative? Remember, blondie, it didn't work for Meredith a couple of weeks ago....

The stylists finish up and Hallowell critiques.

Nicole is called out as loser for her smelly mess. Robert doesn't even go to the formality of picking a bottom two. Paulo gets the win for his curly 'do festooned with matted purple things that remind me of the stinky things that fall off mimosa trees about this time of year.

Back at the house, there's lots of squabbling and backbiting.

Daniel says that Nekisa hates Nicole, Nicole hates Dee, and Dee hates Charlie. Charlie hates everyone, Daniel still has a fatwa on vaginas, and Dee still wants to find a way into Nekisa's thong.


The next morning, the stylists go to the park to meet Rene who has been posing in a manly way for the cameras.

The challenge is dog grooming!

The stylists each pick a pooch and then Rene throws a curveball:

Not only do the stylists have to groom the dogs, they also have to groom the dog's owners, making them look as much like their pets as possible They will get 2.5 hours in which to accomplish this feat.

Back at the Nexxus Shear Genius salon, Daniel sings to his dog, Lola, telling her she has a pretty heinie. He must be missing someone special.

Paulo thinks his dog will end up in therapy someday. I think that's true of all of the clients, particularly the humans.

Charlie feels slightly charitable today and says that he thinks Dee is a good stylist. Then he adds that she's a bitch. Pot, meet kettle!

Time for the Dog Show!

Nobody liked that natural foods dude so the guest judge for this part of the competition is Jennifer McCarthy. No, not the bimbo who's dating Jim Carrey, a show dog trainer with a similar name.

The judges had issues with Nekisa's cut, both on the dog and the human. There was absolutely no resemblance between the two. Nekisa explains why:

Dee and Daniel were named the top two. Dee did a fantastic job with matching her client's hair to her doggie's 'do. That's "do" with one o. And Daniel paid special attention to his doggie's heinie, which had to have made a difference. But not enough to best Dee, who finally got her first elimination challenge win.

Paulo, Charlie, and Charlie's best friend Nekisa were called out as the bottom three. Kim had issue with Paulo's color and the texture of his client's hair, but I honestly loved both. It was very Paulo, and I thought very wearable, as far as crazy two-tone hair is concerned. Charlie's model was called "matronly" and "crazy," which had to do wonders for her self-esteem.

But Nekisa's mismatched styles and colors finally convinced the judges that after lo so many weeks, she needed to be kicked to the curb.

So have the rest of us.

Next week: No more Nekisa!


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