Thursday, August 7, 2008

Project Runway - Episode Foah

It's episode four already! Can you believe how fast the weeks are flying by? And we're not even having any fun!

The designers get their lazy asses out of bed and meet Heidi at Parson's for the model auf-ing. Rather than skintight jeans or yet another inappropriately young mini skirt, this week Heidi wears a sheer shirt, so perfect for daywear.

It gets better every week, doesn't it?

Again the designers are treated to a field trip with Tim, this time without cameras or rain.

They arrive at the Armory Track and Field Center where they find a speed skater going around a track. Stella is confused.

The skater is none other than five-time Olympic medalist Yoko Ono. I mean, Apolo Anton Ohno, who seems to have dropped the Anton. Because, after all, shouldn't one stop calling a kid by his or her middle name once he or she reaches...dunno, birth? Oh wait, sorry Sarah Jessica Parker.

Apolo announces the day's challenge - to create a look for the US Olympic Team to wear during Opening Ceremonies for the Summer Games. OMG - sports! The gays all panic but then breathe a sigh of relief when Tim tells them they'll be designing women's wear, and nothing for Tiki Barber.

The designers get 30 minutes to wander around the facility, which houses a museum of Olympic memorabilia, to sketch out their designs.

When the time is up, they head to Mood where Keith steals Terri's material and Stella buys black fabric.

In the absence of Wes, Daniel seems to be getting quite friendly with Kenley, although he should be very wary of taking her advice. She's a competitor, remember?

But who cares? He's a snob - let him be a naive one. Daniel gets on his high horse and tells us in a confidential that he's all about high-end glamour and he doesn't know from sports. Hmmm...I think that means this boy is quite limited in his abilities so why does he think he deserves to be America's next top designer? Next thing we know, he'll be putting stovepipe pants and puffy-sleeved jackets on everyone....

Back at Parsons, the designers start working on their designs. Kenley and Daniel collaborate a little on his outfit and she giggles and laughs loudly throughout. This annoys the crap out of the other designers, which of course is part of Kenley's grand scheme: if I annoy them, they will f*ck up. Not if Jerrell gets his wish and someone finds a muzzle for her, accessorized with a hibiscus and a cute little plaid headband, of course.

Tim comes in to advise his mentees. He thinks Joe's mixed red and blue zippers are "witty," although I didn't hear them saying anything particularly funny.

Looking at Blayne's he thinks it may be a little too "Sgt. Pepper." Blayne stares blankly at the reference, making Tim feel old.

In an attempt to feel young again, Tim tries out that damn "holla atcha boy," line again, much to my chagrin.

What's next, Tim? Baggy-ass pants showing off your designer undies? And is that some sort of gay gang sign you're making there?

The next morning, the designers have three hours to complete their looks and to send their models to the Corporate Sponsorship Hair and Makeup Facility.

No, instead you've been talking about how much time you're losing in your quest for melanoma.

Maybe Michael Kors can lend him some bronzer, eh?

Joe gets all nutty because Daniel has taken over his sewing machine and rethreaded it with red. Even straight boys get pissy in the 11th hour.

Suede expressed his opinion over the situation.

On to the runway show!

Joe's design was well-liked by the judges, particularly his use of athletic details. Personally, I thought it was a little obvious. She looked more like an insignia for an airline.

On the other hand, Daniel was castigated for his dress from the "Republic of Cocktail Land." It wasn't relevant, athletic, or Olympic, and on the runway, the bright blue fabric appeared to be purple. Kenley advised him not to use the red fabric he bought to make a bolero because it might seem too much like a cape. All part of her evil scheme to f*ck people up.

Jerrell's was considered "unique" which of course is a nice way of saying, "insane."

Nina was puzzled by the outfit, calling it "Mary Had a Little Lamb." Meets Lindsay Lohan's leggings line, right? Michael Kors brought out the Yiddish and called it "meshugenah."

Terri's was a favorite. Apolo loved the colors. Kors said it had a "Lauren Hutton 70s vibe," which of course is a hell of a lot better than a "Lauren Hutton at the Bravo A-List Awards vibe," which is a euphemism for Suede's favorite 10-cent word...."wackadoodle."

Korto (who by the way says her name "Kotto," making the way Heidi pronounces it most often the correct way) put out this all-white look with fabulous fitted wide-leg trousers and a leatha vest. The judges thought it was very chic and designated it the winner this week.

Then we have poor Boring Twin Jennifer's look. It's really very cute in and of itself, but it did not satisfy the challenge one tiny iota. Nina said she can't seem to extricate her own personal taste from her designs. But isn't that part of one's point of view? No? Anyway, the Boring Twin loses for her odd interpretation of the challenge.

Too bad. Buh-bye, Boring Twin! Maybe next week we'll lose the other one!


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