Friday, July 18, 2008

Shear Genius, Episode Fo'

Once again the show opens with Charlie's winning style on the Allure Wall of Cheesy Magazine Cover Mock-Ups. Nekisa seemed especially annoyed by it. Perhaps because we'll never see one of her styles in a place of honor?

The guest judge this week is Roy Teeluck, editorial director for Nexxus.

I think he looks like the lovechild of Journey's Steve Perry and singer Feargal Sharkey. Ok, that's probably a stretch, but that's my opinion, 'k?

Anyhoo, he announces the short cut challenge: A musical selection will play while the stylists begin cutting. At Roy's whim, the music will stop and the clients will switch chairs, with the next stylist continuing the job. Jaclyn will circle the room, stabbing stylists at random with a pair of scissors. When no stylists are left, the game is over. Or something like that.

In the first round of the game, all stylists must start a color process on the client. Meredith thinks her client with fried blonde hair would look fabu as a redhead.

With an hour left, the clients are told to move one chair to their left. After another fifteen minutes, they are told to move two chairs to their right. With thirty minutes left they do the Hokey-Pokey and they shegit all about.

Finally, with twenty minutes left, the clients go back to their original stylists who assess the damage.

Roy examines all of the final styles and proclaims Meredith and Nekisa his two least favorites, with Meredith's clown 'do coming in dead last. Dee and Daniel are the top two, and Dee's tranny stripes are picked over Daniel's "did he really do anything?" style.

Back at the house, the stylists tie on the booze bags and bicker. Reminds me of my childhood!

Charlie whines that nobody's end result was really his or her own work and that everbody's style looked like sh*t. Dee says he's like school in the summertime - no class.

Charlie also speculates that Dee has a crush on Nekisa. She says "nuh uh."

Hmmm...where have I heard that before?

The next day, the stylists find Rene at the salon. Hi Hi! He re-intwoduces Woy Teeluck.

Tisweek ewiminashun chawlens is to cweate haio vat easee to maintenance. Da winner get layout in Alluremagazin. Let's bling owt you cliens, shall we?

Since Dee won the short cut challenge, she gets to choose not only her own client but those of her competitors. She picks the gal with the nicest hair and gives her to Nekisa. Charlie gets the woman with lots of thick hair that's dyed charcoal black, a la Parker's client from the Hobags of Orange County. it the same woman??

Looks like an even older version of Cher.

The stylists have 90 minutes to create a "fresh from the salon" look that their clients can easily replicate at home. In the real world, hair professionals tend to create styles that use at least eight types of hair product, both curling and flat irons, and those damn round brushes, so the client is never able to recreate the look. (Which of course was a good thing after a hair cut I had sometime in '07. The stylist teased my fine hair up to give me volume but made me look like an escapee from a mental ward in the bouffant-crazy 60s. I ducked into the ladies' room at Nordstrom and combed my hair out to a more civilized flatness. No, I didn't continue to see him!)

When time was nearly up, Woy Roy reminded the stylists that they had to instruct their clients how to maintain the cut. Rene also iterated that they cannot "offer any advise to cwiens" so they had "bedder shegit."

The next morning the clients styled themselves and suited up in black dresses. I keep hoping wardrobe will be provided by "Cynfia Wowey" but so far I have to content myself with imagining Rene saying that in my head.

Time for the Hair Show! The clients all walk down the runway like they have sticks up their asses. This was the most boring episode, because in both challenges, none of the styles appear to be particularly interesting or different from the clients' original. Except for Meredith's rendition of Ronald McDonald. Even the judges were bored.

They looked up long enough from their grocery lists for Kim Vo to proclaim that Meredith's 'do looked like a squid.

Dee, Nicole, and Glenn were the favorites, and because Glenn's client looked so damn happy with herself, Glenn was chosen as the winner. In addition to getting her style up on the Allure Wall of Cheesy Magazine Cover Mock-Ups next week, she gets to do a Nexxus "advertorial" that will appear in Allure magazine.

Nekisa, Charlie, and Meredith were the bottom three. Charlie had immunity, so he was safe. Nekisa didn't even bother to cut the hair and her client preferred to style it her own way. Dee stood on the side and prayed that her crush would stay on at least another week.

Her prayers were answered when Meredith was kicked off for creating a seafood dish instead of a good hairstyle.

Paulo got a little teary.


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