It's Cannes Film Festival Again, folks, and as always, the celebs and not-so-celebs smoked a little crack before hitting the red carpet. Let's have a look, shall we?
French actress Vahina Giocante wore a voluminous black gown that was part 60s part peignoir, and 100% too matronly. Perhaps if it were in a color other than black, it might have worked better.
...or maybe if Faye Dunaway had worn it, it would be more appropriate. Better than the shroud Ms Dunaway did wear.
Robert DeNiro's wife, Grace Hightower could have done better than this too-tight mes that's obviously pulling across her hips and showing off a belly pooch. Plus, she looks neckless thanks to the too-high neckline and hair worn down.
There's something cheap-looking about Karine Lima's white gown that I can't put a finger on.
Cheap is better than trashy, like Rachel McAdams in a tacky red lace Marchesa. Maybe this was a good idea on paper, but the wearer can't help but look like the love child of a cat tangled in a ball of yarn and a Wild West madame.
Salma Hayek is a gorgeous woman, but I can't help but want to see her wearing some color, rather than this taupe Gucci. A pretty dress, sure, but I don't think the lack of color really works for her.
Ditto for Aishwarya Rai Bachchan's Elie Saab. It's a pretty dress, but in yet another non-color. Pale taupe-y shades like this remind me of old white t-shirts that have been washed 100 times but have never been introduced to a bottle of bleach. I guess the best word for it would be "dingy."
Here, ladies, let Uma Thurman show you how it should be done. Her Versace gown is simple and elegant and though white, looks nothing like a wedding gown. Love the simple emerald cascade earrings, which keep the attention on Uma's face; while not her best feature, it is the most polite place to look.
Bianca Balti also wore emeralds, and tons of them, but in no way do they work with her somewhat twee bedruffle of an Alberta Ferretti gown. With such dramatic baubles, one needs to wear a simple sheath gown, with no ruffles, bows, or other gee-gaws to detract. This gown would have worked better with more delicate jewelry.
Posted by theminx on Opalescentminx.com
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Sharon Stone came dressed as a middle-aged tart. No telling if she wore panties or not.
Diane Kruger wore a pretty silver and white dress and entirely too much black crap around her eyes.
As skinny as she is, Michelle Yeoh still managed to look somewhat lumpy under her dress. Or is that her hip bone jutting out? Eat a cheeseburger, will ya?
Paris Hilton looked as ridiculous as ever in far too much jewelry, and posing as if she has something severely wrong with her pelvis. Her latest romantic victim, Doug Reinhardt, looks a bit shell-shocked.
I think Joss Stone's dress is cute, but she didn't bother to wash her hair. And the shoes are really hideous.
This chick, Jana Pallaske, looks like she's wearing the elminated design from a Project Runway challenge involving vacuum cleaner bags, duct tape, and feather dusters.
Amazing - Angelina Jolie is not wearing black! Unfortunately, nude doesn't suit her either. A shame because it's a sexy dress.
Lovely: Peaches Geldof (even if she does strongly resemble her father, Sir Bob) The dress is a mite mature for her, and she didn't do a very good job of covering her tattoos, but she looks pretty.
Pretty: Marion Cotillard, in a subtle, minty, Deco-inspired number.
Not Pretty: Elsa Pataky modeling the latest in luxe prison wear. The back has a train-like appendage that makes her ass look really big, like a bumblebee in heat.
Can't Decide But Leaning Towards Not Pretty: Dita Von Teese (whom I still don't get). I know she's a burlesque performer, but she should wear a slip. Her legs and garter belt are distracting with all of those stripes. And what's with the string art at the neckline?
Pretty: Robin Wright Penn's dress. Not Pretty: the lack of makeup and what's with the hair?
Not Pretty: Paris Hilton, looking like a clown in drag. The dress is awful, and she's wearing too many baubles and gewgaws.
Pretty: Eva Green's dress. She strikes me as a bit wackadoodle, so the weird eye makeup and pale eyebrows doesn't surprise me, but it's not working with the dress.
Not Pretty: Diane Kruger, just because it's Chanel doesn't mean it works. You look stiff and uncomfortable. And you really need the crazy paper head sculptures worn on the runway.
On the Fence: There's no mistaking Charlene Wittstock for anything else but a swimmer. Maybe a linebacker, though. I like the pretty, simple, elegant dress, but it looks too delicate on the athlete.
