amfAR's Cinema Against AIDS 2010

Must be a hard life for these celebs to have to go all the way to Antibes to attend a charity function. They have my pity.

I love Rachel Bilson's fresh-faced low-makeup look, but am not sure about the fireworks on her boobies.  Diane Kruger's dress makes her look like a linebacker. A really gay linebacker.

I think Elizabeth Banks looks like some really fancy theater curtains. And why, if she's a spokesmodel for L'Oreal hair color, does she have such ugly and obvious roots? Emily Blunt looks va va voom, plain and simple.

What the hell happened to Ivana Trump's face? She looks like she should be auditioning to play an evil Disney queen in that outfit. Why is Kirsten Dunst always wearing something so matronly?

Jennifer Lopez looks predictably like, well, Jennifer Lopez, in something pale and frothy. Maybe a little too Barbie for the 40-year-old. Mary J. Blige is still working that shit-pot haircut! She looks like a Chucky doll.

Michelle Rodiguez looks pretty in pink, but I hate her shoes. And Mischa Barton appears to be showing off a new set of boobs? I really love her dress, but not her bleach blonde locks.

Cannes 2009, Part Un

The AmfAR Cinema Against AIDS 2009 benefit brought some lovely frocks out to play. And of course, some not-so-lovely.

Lovely: Peaches Geldof (even if she does strongly resemble her father, Sir Bob) The dress is a mite mature for her, and she didn't do a very good job of covering her tattoos, but she looks pretty.

Pretty: Marion Cotillard, in a subtle, minty, Deco-inspired number.

Not Pretty: Elsa Pataky modeling the latest in luxe prison wear. The back has a train-like appendage that makes her ass look really big, like a bumblebee in heat.

Can't Decide But Leaning Towards Not Pretty: Dita Von Teese (whom I still don't get). I know she's a burlesque performer, but she should wear a slip. Her legs and garter belt are distracting with all of those stripes. And what's with the string art at the neckline?

Pretty: Robin Wright Penn's dress. Not Pretty: the lack of makeup and what's with the hair?

Not Pretty: Paris Hilton, looking like a clown in drag. The dress is awful, and she's wearing too many baubles and gewgaws.

Pretty: Eva Green's dress. She strikes me as a bit wackadoodle, so the weird eye makeup and pale eyebrows doesn't surprise me, but it's not working with the dress.

Not Pretty: Diane Kruger, just because it's Chanel doesn't mean it works. You look stiff and uncomfortable. And you really need the crazy paper head sculptures worn on the runway.

On the Fence: There's no mistaking Charlene Wittstock for anything else but a swimmer. Maybe a linebacker, though. I like the pretty, simple, elegant dress, but it looks too delicate on the athlete.