Monday, January 29, 2018

2018 Grammy Awards

We don't watch the Grammys at Casa Minx. We listen to very little commercial music and don't really care about the Beyoncés and Rihanna's and especially not the Taylor Swifts of the world. Still, the red carpet portion of the program can be interesting. The clothes worn to the Grammys are usually quite a bit more outré than those worn to other awards ceremonies. And not always in a good way.

I think this year was not as fantastical as other years, but there's still a good selection of good, bad, and worse to critique.

All photos Getty Images.

Cyndi Lauper's cherub-printed Moschino suit has landed her on a few worst-dressed lists, but I love it on her. It's quirky, but not crazy, and it fits her perfectly.

Rita Ora was bringing back "old Hollywood glamour" in her black Ralph & Russo gown. I hate the deliberate "my roots are growing out" thing that so many people are doing with their hair, but sometimes it works. This isn't. But she's gorgeous otherwise.

Eve looked cool and classy in her Naeem Khan pantsuit, though it looks a bit heavy and uncomfortable to sit in. This look would be too much on most occasions, but perfect for the Grammys.

I loved Miley's Jean-Paul Gaultier catsuit. She looked both sexy and demure, even ladylike. Our little Miley is all growed up!

I haven't been able to find the designer of India Arie's shorts and duster combo, but I love it. It's bold, interesting, and in-your-face, without being tacky.

Though I have no idea who Kali Uchis, is, I kinda like her jumpsuit--just not on her. Bet Heidi Klum could have rocked it.

Instead, Heidi Klum chose this lingerie-inspired Ashi design. I can't say that she doesn't look good in it, but it's a little cheesy. It's the kind of thing a performer should be wearing--Rihanna, Gaga--not a guest. (Why does Heidi go to the Grammys anyway? She's no longer married to a musician.)

I have no idea who Mel'isa Morgan is, but clearly she wasn't able to get her dress tailored before the big day. It's far too long, and the bodice is gaping on the side. Was it off the rack?

Kelly Clarkson must be a huge fan of Downton Abbey, because her custom Christian Siriano gown makes her look like fucking Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham, on her way to dinner.

Sarah Silverman is apparently wearing Maggie Marilyn, but I'm pretty sure she stole this look out of my closet, circa 1987. It was unflattering and unattractive then, too.

Surely Bebe Rexha bought this La Perla gown off the rack because it clearly Does. Not. Fit. Child, go up a size or two. You'll be more comfortable, and so will we.

Cardi B apparently got a few kudos for wearing this furry-looking high-low weird-ass neckline cape dress thingy by Ashi, but I don't get it.

Lena Dunham's ex-boyfriend Jack Antonoff took his sister Rachel Antonoff to the Grammys. Is she wearing what Lena would have worn? Why does it look like she's wearing a dentist's jacket under a pajama top, with boudoir slippers?

If Big Bird mated with a pinata, you'd get Pink's Armani Privé gown. It makes me want to hit her with a stick. And who dresses a little girl in GRAY? I mean, we don't need to see pink, but head to to gray is a little sad, like the poor thing got splashed in gutter water on her way home from ballet class.

Bleona Qereti is a hot mess. Does she think she's Cher, ca. 1986?

If you take mauve polyester drapes from the 80s, pair them with a Frederick's of Hollywood "Farmer Gal" basque, and add some beadazzling, you'll have Kimberly Schlapman's Raisa & Vanessa gown. I suppose it's supposed to have an ombré effect, but the top and bottom look like they belong to two different garments.

I've had enough, though there was plenty more to see at the Grammy's. I'm looking forward to the Oscars red carpet and hope it proves to be a palate cleanser.

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