Thursday, February 11, 2010

Shear Genius 3 Episode 2 Recap

Whew - shoveling done, at least for today. Sore muscles dampens my enthusiasm for recapping, but here we go anyway.

The stylists enter the Shear Genius Nexxus Salon once again, where they find - to my great disappointment - MMBM, who announces that Janine's winning style has been featured on the Allure Wall of Shame.They get rid of Jaclyn, they get rid of Rene, but they keep that blasted giant fake magazine cover? Bah!

Before MMBM can bleat out much else, Giacomo raises his hand. I think he has to go potty. Not only that, he asks to be dismissed from the show. Apparently he has three kids at home and forgot to tell the sitter he would be needing her for the next six weeks straight.

Giacomo gone leaves only ten stylists competing for Shear Genius, which means one less week for me to recap. Yay!

MMBM then introduces a man who needs no introduction - "masser coloris, Keem Vo."

This means the Short Cut Challenge involves color, a fact that pisses off Adee the Brit.

It's probably just me (actually, I'm positive it's just me), but I find myself humming a piece from Gilbert & Sullivan's Yeoman of the Guard whenever I hear Adee's name mentioned.
Hey-di, hey-di, misery me, lack-a-day-de
He sipped no sup and he craved no crumb
As he sighed for the love of a lady.
Of course, I replace "Hey-di" with "Adee." Yes, theminx did do a little musical theatre for a while there in the 80s. But as always, she digresses.

The "Clients" then emerge from backstage - a gaggle of over-processed bleach-blond bimbos ladies, all desperately in need of some deep-conditioning and better color.

That's not a nice thing to say about the clients, Faatemah.

The stylists then pick scissor boxes to determine the order in which they choose their models. Adee has number 1, which allows him to choose first. And prove himself a bit of a pig by stating that he wants to choose the girl he "fancies" rather than the one with hair he wants to style.

True to form, he picks the girl he fancies, one who has a ton of hair. Janine doesn't approve.

Good thing you no longer have that option, huh?

The models all look pretty fried, but one in particular sticks out. She has the hair of a burned-out member of an 80s hair band. Like current Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp contestant Sebastian Bach. Oddly, professional wrestlers would probably kill for hair like hers. In any case, nobody wanted to deal with that pile of melted mess on her head, least of all Brig of the Yellow Hair, who had drawn the number 10.

She notices that Matthew has the number 9.

Matthew isn't the brightest crayon in the box, is he? And doesn't he look like a grown up Bobby Brady? Except Mike Lookinland is naturally blond.

MMBM's voice once again annoys the production crew, so she is whisked off while the plastic-filled, immobile-faced Kim Vo takes over the challenge.

All but two of the models wish to stay blond, which causes Kim to prance around the salon shouting his favorite made-up word. Pot, meet Kettle.

In the meantime, Adee has no fucking clue what he's doing, and he's got about a hundred foils in his model's hair.

And Brian is putting bleach in his model's eye. Accidentally, of course.

Unfortunately, two hours is up way too fast and MMBM re-emerges to bleat a command of "Stalis - stop." Kim then goes around and critiques the hair. He calls Adee's look, which is white-blonde on top and dark underneath, a look that was "dated three years ago."

April's still-blond model didn't have enough transformation for Kim's taste, and he claimed the look wasn't age-appropriate. And Brian's look was "crazy,"especially the half-blind model part. These were the bottom three. On top were Jon and Janine, neither of whom received effusive praise but were apparently good enough, and Matthew, whose model David Lee Roth was amenable to changing her hair to a darker color. It ended up looking artificially red, but with such improved texture and shine that Kim thought Matthew deserved the win.

The next day, the stylists are poolside at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. The story is that the Dakota restaurant is presenting a new menu to the public. Chef Jason Johnston is introduced and the stylists are told they will choose one of the covered dishes on the table in front of them. They must reinterpret this food item into a hair style, taking into account the flavor, color, and presentation.

Here's what everyone got stuck with:

Matthew gets hamachi
April gets tomato salad
Amy gets the Dakota burger
Jon has seared scallops
Janine gets beet salad
Arzo has tuna tataki
Faatemah gets flan
Brig of the Yellow Hair has tiramisu
and Brian has chocolate mousse

Adee the Brit gets steak tartare, a dish he thinks to be appropriate as he says his nickname is "The Butcher." Because he used to be a "slaughterman." Riiight. I'm thinking he got that nickname because of his talent with hair.

Wow. That menu was dated three years ago.

Back at the salon, the stylists find models who have been randomly selected for them, each holding the dish that will inspire their design. Mentor Tony Orlando Pita is there to give them as much enthusiastic encouragement as his robotic self can muster.

Unfortunately, there are no scenes of Tony Orlando Pita prancing around the salon shouting, "Blondarexic!" Nor does he wear pink pants. He even appears to be the same ethnicity he was born into. How boring.

Amy is nervous because she's going for a glamorous look and many of her competitors are going for something "avant garde." That would be Brig of the Yellow Hair, who is wrapping styrofoam with fake hair and piling it on her model's head.

I swear, that's what she said, "Circus d'Olay."

Mercifully, two hours are up quickly and it's time for the hair show! The models are waitresses at the restaurant, so we get to see them in their natural habitat, carrying trays of food and hoping an agent will discover them.

Adee the Brit's version of beef tartare looks more like cotton candy. Something that would require flossing after eating.

After all ten have presented their models, the stylists go back to the salon to wait for the judges who are enjoying a free dinner at the Dakota.

Eventually the judges take their seats and call forth the stylists. The guest judge for this challenge is Joel Warren, of the famed Warren Tricomi salon. They designate four of the stylists safe and the remaining six stand to await their verdict.

Jon gets points for cutting his model's hair as well as styling it. He did a very nice rendition of scallops, and the bangs were cute. Brian's chocolate mousse hair looked "yummy." and "creamy and soft." It made MMBM hungry, which leads me to believe that she wasn't allowed to partake in the free dinner. The judges liked Matthew's 'do as well. These guys were the top three, with Jon getting the win.

Kim plans his insults carefully. He thinks that Brig of the Yellow Hair's styrofoam-ball version of tiramisu looks like "an interracial snowman," and that Amy's version of a burger looks like she "tied baloney to her head and put her in a piranha tank." Jonathan Antin pitches in with his thought that Arzo's hair looked like "an old lady with an updo." Jonathan - you are seriously not in the same league as Kim. Your insults suck.

The old lady, the snowman, and the baloney 'do are the bottom three. I thought that Brig of the Yellow Hair's mess was the most egregious, but she's colorful and gives indications of drama-queen-ness. And Amy has real screaming bitch potential. Arzo, on the other hand, is quiet and low-key, so of course she has to be the one to go this week.

Next week: male models?


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