The Fashion Show, Episode Two

For some reason, Bravo hasn't been putting up recaps of episodes on their site anymore. Last week I had a full episode to screen cap, but this week I only have 3 of the 4 previews (one has suddenly disappeared) and stills, so this is going to be short and sweet. Ok, probably not sweet.

At least we get one brief shot of naked male torso. Even if does belong to the PantyChrist.

And, right off the bat, Kristen packs her organic pickled-beet-juice hair dye and heads out of town with tears in her eyes. Apparently the harsh words from Isaac after the previous Elimination Challenge really upset the poor young thing. He was pretty mean, wondering if she should even be in the fashion industry after the outfit she put on the runway. Seriously, he was over-reacting. It wasn't that hideous - we've seen far worse on Project Runway. (Think Vincent Libretti. He produced week after week of dreck, yet someone else always got eliminated.)

Bye Kristen/Kristen (how is it spelled? - Bravo has done it both ways.) You've got a whole life ahead of you. Might want to work on growing some thicker skin though--Isaac isn't the only harsh critic you will find out there.

The designers gather in the workroom where Isaac and Kelly lie in wait with some fabulous news:

They couldn't find anther black velvet bag like the one Heidi uses, so they have decided to skip the whole picking teams thing each week. Keith has a problem with this situation.

Because Jean-Paul Jean-Georges Paul Michael Glaser James Earl Jones James-Paul won last week's Elimination challenge, it's up to him to choose one member from either his team or Mehrleen's team and donate him or her to Keith. He chooses to move Daniella, which makes both her and Mehrleen very hoppy.

(I almost understood the red jumpsuit and cape from the first episode, but WTF is Mehrleen wearing this week? A dorky fleece hat with earflaps, one of my Grandma's Polish table schmattes and something his own Mama knitted for him?)

For the Harpers Bazaar Mini-Challenge, Laura Brown comes out to smirk at the designers. She also tells them this challenge is about wearability and saleability. Each team gets a box of clothing containing both high-end and affordable items. The team must sort through the garments and correctly separate the pricey from the cheap, dressing their forms in the corresponding outfits.

Team Tubedress, you are the next contestants on the Price is Right! Come on down! After a couple of tries, they got their outfits correctly arranged in 7 minutes and 29 seconds. Team Harem Pants sucked at the challenge and took nearly twice as long to complete the task. Team Bolero wins in a mere 3 minutes and 47 seconds.

Next up is the Elimination Challenge. But first, the teams must each pick a new Team Leader. James-Paul becomes leader of Team Bolero; Team Tube Dress chooses Anna (who? oh yeah, the girl who looks like she needs to sleep for about a week), and Team Harem Pants chooses Haven.

Isaac has really missed his calling. He should have become a conductor instead of a fashion designer. He announces the challenge:

Ooh...a socialite! Well, someone has to spend daddy's money and keep designers in business! And the socialite du jour is Tinsley Mortimer. Which is almost as ridiculous a name as Mortimer Snerd. She is, however, slightly better looking than said Snerd. At least she's experienced higher-quality dental care.

This poor pitiful waif has soooo many party invitations, she doesn't know what to do! So instead of opting to send a check while staying home in her pajamas to catch up on her reading (like, books, not, like, fashion magazines), she has decided to attend every damn function. And of course she has *nothing* to wear to any of them! Pardon me while I search for that tiny violin....

Not only do the designers have to come up with appropriate outfits for Mrs Topper Mortimer (Gad, these names make me want to slit my wrists; don't rich people have anything better to do than make up cutesy names for their children?) they also have to create an appropriate hairdo for each outfit.

Wow - bleached blond hair as a signature. How novel. Why hasn't anyone else ever thought of that? Judging from the many photos of Mrs Mortimer on the Web, she wears her hair down most of the time; sometimes it's wavy and sometimes it's straight, but she never combs enough of it over her face to obscure it. And what's with the raccoon eyes?

Anyway, that's the challenge - design a head-to-toe look, hair and all. For less than $40. Yes, that sends some designers into a tizzy.

Because James-Paul's team won the mini-challenge, they each get $50 to spend. Wow - some advantage.

The teams then discuss their collections. Tinsley gave no indication of what she is looking for, so the designers have to pretty much make things up. On team James-Paul:

J-P then goes on to say that stealth fighters were "new." Kiddo, they were around since the 80s. Probably before you were born. However perplexed she might be, Angel takes the theme literally and decides to make paper airplanes to affix on her dress.

Anna Needs-Sleep wants her team to pay attention to detail, knowing that the low budget won't pay for luxe fabrics. Smart gal.

And Haven wants her team to go with her favorite look - Linda Evans, circa 1980s. Dynasty. (Ok, maybe stealth fighters are newer than Linda Evans.) At the fabric shop, team-mate Laura wants to buy some bright red tulle, but the others shoot her down. She buys it anyway, much to Haven's chagrin.

She thinks they're ganging up on her and they're not articulating why they don't like the red. If all of your teammates hate the red, honey, then there's no need to give an explanation. It's four against one. 

Meanwhile, that's not the only issue that Team Haven is having. Johnny admits that he finds sewing difficult. 

And Reco complains that "Markus, he don't have one piece made." 

Regardless, it's time for the designers and models to head to the TRESemmé Product Placement Lounge to discuss hair with Jeanie Syfu of the weirdly-cut bangs.

Isaac and Kelly then pay the designers a visit. Mentors, they ain't. Bitches, they is.

Afterwards, they make like high school girls and go into the hall to talk about the designers behind their backs.

Finally, we have a Fashion Show. Team J-P has a pretty coherent collection. Team Haven has a nightmare. Team Anna looks pretty good.

Backstage during the show, Reco brings up his issues with Laura and her red tulle, which she used against the group's collective wishes. 

But even without it, her dress looked like hell. See for yourself.

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

Laura still didn't understand that her team did not want her to use the tulle.

Although Reco's main concern, apart from Laura's blatant disobedience, seemed to be that her use of that particular fabric would cause disharmony in the total look of the collection, I felt that there wasn't much cohesiveness there to begin with. 

After the show, they gather again for judging. Fern Mallis and the Socialite join Isaac and Kelly.

Anna's team was declared the winner, with the top two looks belonging to Anna and Daniella. And Daniella's rock-and-roll party look was deemed the winner. Funny, I distinctly remember Isaac and Kelly making fun of her outfit during Sneerfest....

Not bad. Not great, but not bad. And a version of it is on sale at Bravotv.com.

J-P's team is safe. Which leaves Haven's team as the big losers. Markus' unflattering outfit put him on the line, along with Johnny's Can't-Sew's safety-pinned together creation, and Laura's red tulle disaster.

Johnny was defensive over his "no more wire safety pins!" criticism and suggested that he be sent home. This infuriated Isaac who had a hissy fit and had to be given a paper bag to breathe into so he wouldn't faint away from sheer bitchiness. 

In the end, however, it was Laura who was given the boot. Her dress was simply hideous, tulle or no.  And her pink eyeshadow creeped everyone out.

Next week: More fashion! More sneering!