Freaky Twins

The helium-voiced Caten twins of the redundantly-named DSquared2 are so much alike, they even wear identically-ripped and patched ugly jeans.

Freaks.

2009 CMA Awards

While Country Music Awards will never be a bastion of style and good taste, does it have to be so tacky? It wasn't all bad, but there was certainly a lot of it.

For instance, did Wynonna fill her swimmin' pool with self-tanner and take a nice long soak before putting on her typical shiny pants/long jacket uniform? Mama Naomi looks pale and pasty by comparison.

You know how foil gift wrap gets a bit crinkly if not stored properly between holiday seasons? Looks like Carrie Underwood grabbed a couple of rolls from Target after Christmas last year and made herself a dress.

Reba McEntire looks slinky and sexy in her sequinned black gown. Is that allowed?

Taylor Swift is wearing a very age-appropriate princess-y gown. She looks cute.

On the other hand, Martina McBride looks ridiculous in that overly-drapey mess made from old theater curtains and a wallpaper border.

Leanne Rimes wears the drape better, but the way she's standing, the dress seems a little constrictive and mummy-bandage-like. Those clunky dark shoes are a no-no, as is the too-dark eyeliner on her already squinty eyes.

I'm vacillating on Nicole Kidman I think the color works on her, as does the silhouette, but her boobs sure look uncomfortable. And possibly fake.

Kellie Pickler's shiny pewter gown doesn't seem to match her sweet personality. But it would be killer on Padma Lakshmi.

Remember that bed that inspired Carol Hannah on last week's Project Runway? Well, grandma's couch and curio cabinet full of Capodimonte figurines inspired the designer of Barbara Mandrell's dress.

Diana DeGarmo is another one who spent too much time at the tanning salon. The black hair and neon gown are certainly eye-catching, but not in a good way.

And what the hell is Jessica Harp wearing? The color is interesting, but that pattern is just too much, and it's just not flattering on her.

Metamorphosis

It appears that Victoria Beckham has started to morph from her normal plasticized state into something even more quasi-android. What the hell is she wearing on her legs? Black rubber leggings with cloven hooves shoes built in? Actually, they are Antonio Berardi thigh-high PVC boots...with 5 1/2" platforms and without heels. Berardi says the shoes are "perfectly balanced" and that heels are a psychological crutch.

Posh's devoted husband David had to keep an eye on her all evening to make sure she doesn't topple over backwards and land on her ass, embarrassing the both of them.

And creating the need for a different kind of crutch.

I'd love to see her hobble walk in these things.