Project Runway Recap - Season 16, Episode 9

If you remember correctly, good people, last week's episode didn't quite end on a high note. In fact, it didn't seem to end at all. We had a winner, but no one was yet going home.

<rant>
Except Harvey Weinstein.

But his wife, Georgina Chapman, won't be around when he gets there. WTF is wrong with Hollywood? How could Weinstein's behavior have been an open secret for so long without anything being done about it? How was the old "casting couch" trope allowed to be a reality well into the 21st century? Seth MacFarlane joked about the situation back in 2013, at the Academy Awards best actress nominations presentation. “Congratulations, you five ladies no longer have to pretend to be attracted to Harvey Weinstein.” It was a joke that was no joke, but people still laughed for a good beat or two. Sexual harassment is serious fucking shit, people. In my workplace, an institute of higher learning, all employees must have sexual harassment prevention training and we are quizzed on it annually. Why is it still ok that individuals who are already powerful, who can make or break people's careers and indeed even their lives, can get away with doing such terrible and demeaning things to other human beings? I have to wonder if Weinstein ever harassed Heidi Klum. If so, will she come forward? Or has her own power corrupted her into silence? I can only assume they had a close working relationship from their Project Runway connection. Perhaps she was one of the lucky ones, and perhaps she knew nothing.

Personally, I think anyone not a victim who knew anything about the Weinstein situation and neither said nor did anything is complicit and should be held accountable, at least in a karmic way.
</end of this week's rant>

Back to the show.

After Heidi declared Last Annoying Twin Standing, aka Hairy (also occasionally called "Claire" for some reason), as the winner of last week's challenge, Michael walked off the stage. He doesn't think the competition is fair and squeals to Tim that every garment that the Annoying Twins produced was copied from something they already owned and wore. Though I disliked the twins, I don't think Michael's accusation was quite fair. Their garments from the very first challenge, for example--Hairy's layered tulle dress, and Baldie's unflattering baggy shorts and crop top with weird flowy streamers--didn't look like anything the two of them wore on the show. Ditto for the ugly plastic outfits they made for the unconventional challenge in episode two. The Twins themselves wore sweatshirts, skinny pants (usually leggings), leather jackets, and other "street wear" type things. Except for the black and navy lace top that Baldie wore during episode six, which we only saw the one time. In that episode, it was obvious that there were similarities between the Twins' own clothes and the garments they were producing for the runway. Hairy's design for that challenge involved a sweatshirt; Baldie's was a mashup between the blouses that she and her model wore, and an exact copy of her model's pants.

Meanwhile, back on the runway, the judges are nonplussed. "This has never happened before," states Heidi. She asks Hairy if Michael is upset with her win; Hairy has no idea. Margarita says, mysteriously, "none of us wants to point fingers," just before everyone starts pointing fingers. She then runs backstage to check on Michael, who has just dropped his bombshell on Tim. Margarita tells Tim that Hairy measured her clothes. Tim says, "everyone has a tape measure at their workstation," and "if you want, you can measure the garment you are wearing in the room." He seems confused, for good reason. He's been presented with two issues: 1) copying; 2) measuring. Neither of them seem to be actual problems, if one judges with only the scant amount of information Tim has at hand.

Back on the runway set, Heidi asks for enlightenment. Batani helpfully tell the judges that Hairy had ripped off Margarita's design from the earlier challenge. She then added that Hairy measures her clothing. Hairy, who is standing there openmouthed, admits to taking a pair of her own pants, measuring them, and using those measurements as reference to make the pants she created for this challenge. The judges agreed that was fine.

Backstage, Michael finally tells Tim that Hairy has a tape measure in her room, to which Tim replies that they will "look into it" before sending Michael back to the runway. Once there, he apologizes for his behavior but says he couldn't stand there for a win he felt was unjustified. Yolanda Hadid then asks Michael if he is an exalted highfalutin judge like herself, or merely a participant--a designer knave whose sole purpose in life is to produce the clothes that her daughters wear as rich, sought-after, models.

The judges still don't understand what is really going on. Hairy seems completely clueless, or is at least pretending to be. Michael then declares he can tell the judges the exact reference Hairy used for each garment she made. She defends herself with "nuh uh!" Because for one thing, he can't, and for another, it's no crime to use other garments as reference. The judges agree. They tell the designers to focus on their own work and not that of others. In other words, to mind their own beeswax.

Back to Tim, who is still standing around backstage looking somewhat befuddled. He looks at the camera and tells us that Hairy's copying of Margarita's dress is a non-issue, but if she indeed has a tape measure in her room, that is against the rules and there will be consequences.

Meanwhile, Heidi reiterates that Hairy is the winner of the challenge and the $25K and can leave the runway, along with Kenya, Kentaro, and Margarita, who are safe. Margarita is embarrassed about how they (meaning she and Michael) handled the situation. If they thought one or both of the Twins were cheating, then they should have said something to that effect to Tim or one of the producers two or three or four or five episodes ago. In the same way that people who knew about Harvey Weinstein's deplorable behavior toward women should have said something.

Perhaps they should have taken a knee instead. But that's another argument for another time.

Back in the green room, Claire feels the whole thing was a personal attack. The Good and Evil challenge is brought up. Michael and Margarita claim that the tank-style top she made for her dress was based on something one of the Twins was wearing that day. And that she measured it. At home. She cops to taking four measurements from a tank back at the apartment. She doesn't seem to realize that having the tape measure outside of the workroom is against the rules. Tim steps in and asks if it's true that she has contraband (which also includes pens and paper). Hairy confesses that she is in possession of the forbidden instrument and that she had used it on a tank and the crotch of a pair of pants. Tim then rescinds her win and sends her packing. He doesn't say, "we'll miss you," and he definitely doesn't use his Tim Gunn Save™.

There's now no winner for the challenge, but Dixie still wants to put one of the computer generated designs into production. They choose Brandon's, and he seems inordinately excited to have his doodles on the side of a paper cup. There's no word on anyone receiving the cash prize.

Wow. It only took fifteen minutes of this episode to resolve this challenge, and a much longer time for me to write about it. I guess the producers have had to pad it out because now that the Annoying Twins are gone, the show is boring. The remaining designers are all too nice and get along too well. There's no drama at all for the remaining 75 minutes. Which begs the question: why do the episodes need to be 90 minutes long if there's not 90 minutes worth of content? I seem to remember hour-long episodes being just fine.

We next see the designers going back out onto the runway set, which is choked with toys and little girls playing with hideous dolls and their hideous accessories. Tim gets the rugrats' attention and they march out onto the runway with him, each holding a colorful troll-like creature in their hands. These ugly bits of plastic are called Shopkins, a name that brings to mind small, nebbishy, Jewish men. The original Shopkins are tiny toys from Australia named after grocery store items. The Shopkins these kids are playing with are larger, from the "Shoppies" line. ("Shoppies" sounds like street slang for people who practice the art of shoplifting. Don't these companies have R&D?) The dolls allegedly hail from different parts of the world and have ridiculous monikers like Spaghetti Sue and her friends Pia Pasta and Maria Meatballs from Italy, and Bubbleisha, from China. (China?) There are also several characters that are inanimate objects, like Luigi Lasagna and Peppa Ronnie Pizza.

Hold on. I gotta go vomit.

Anyhoo... Kotomi Nanjo, an employee of the manufacturer of these unfortunate technicolor gewgaws, is there to help Tim present this week's overly complicated challenge. The designers are to create an avant-garde look inspired by the little girls' favorite Shopkins. Ok, so that seems a little more straightforward than other challenges this season. But they can't just pick up a doll and get inspired by it, no, they have to consult with the kiddos who have drawn pictures and have funny stories and blah blah blah. The winner of the challenge will get a bonus of $5K and have their design turned into a special exclusive Shopkins doll. If that's not exciting, I don't know what is.

Oh yeah, most things.

Tim pairs up the kids with the designers. Somehow the African American kids get the African American designers, the one Asian kid gets the one Asian designer, and the Caucasian designers get white kids. It's hard to tell with Margarita's kid; she could have Spanish roots, or her family could be from one of the many other nations bordering the Mediterranean. Michael's kid seems pretty darn white though. Tim had the button bag in hand, but that only gives him the order in which the designers are chosen. Incidentally, the kids themselves are not playing with racially-matched dolls. Yes, I notice these things.

The designers and kiddos consult for 30 minutes, which would have killed me. Ugh. All that pink plastic. And all those enthusiastic children. Michael's kid is into disco, so he decides he'll make a disco ball. However, he has to be careful not to reference an actual disco ball, lest he have to accuse himself of cheating. Brandon's girl is obsessed with chocolate and she wants him to grind up chocolate and smear it into the dress, and then pour chocolate over it. Brandon's not into that at all, which surprises me. Considering that a few of his garments this season were blotched with what looked like baby poop stains, his kid's suggestions should be right up his alley. Over on the other side of the room, Amy taps into her inner child and plays happily with her kid, not really paying much attention to the fact that she should be thinking and sketching. A portent of doom if I ever saw one.

After consulting, the designers head to Mood with $300 to spend. They should probably brush their teeth too, after sugar-fest they just experienced.

Now that both Annoying Twins are out of the picture, the workroom is calm and quiet. And boring. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes because my notes on Tim's critique are pretty vague. He tells Batani to lose the fishing pole she has sticking out of the colorful mounds of fabric she's calling a dress. He tells Ayana that she's got a lot of stuff going on and she should lose this fabric and consider that one carefully, etc. Once Tim leaves, Ayana starts making a cage out of chicken wire. Wonder what he would have said had he seen that?

Michael's sequinned fabric is pretty unforgiving so he needs to watch every detail. Amy's outfit is great from the hips up but otherwise yuck. And Brandon's is....well, Brandon doesn't really have much done. And it's green, not baby poop brown, which is nice change from the usual. For him, switching colors like that is somewhat avant garde in itself, but there's not much garment there otherwise. Tim makes some suggestions to him, pronounces himself excited about what is generally going on in the workroom, and beats a hasty retreat.

The models come in for a fitting. Michael has made a sheer bodysuit thing, and I'm not sure how that's fitting into the design because while sparkly, there are no sequins on it. Batani's model is unsure about the pile of fabric she is being made to wear. It shows off her back fat, which some people might consider unflattering. Brandon's model has nothing at all to put on, so she sits in the green room to play Candy Crush for a while until he's cobbled together some pieces.

There doesn't really seem to be all that much workroom time in this episode, probably because of all the wasted time at the beginning. In a flash, it's the next morning and Tim is telling the designers they have one hour (only one hour? isn't it normally two?) to send their models to the Rainbow Brite makeup studio and the Strawberry Shortcake hair salon. I don't recall any mention of the JC Penney Accessories Wall, but I may have blacked out momentarily. [Edited to add: My lovely and talented  husband, who managed to stay awake through the entire episode, says Tim suggested that it's important to use the JCPAW very thoughtfully for this challenge.]

The guest judges this week are Kate Upton's boobs. There is no way to unsee those things. She's got 'em, so she's flaunting them in a super low-cut dress that looks a bit dangerous.

The judges were impressed enough with the show this week to choose four top looks and only two bottoms. Kenya and Kentaro are safe, which I had figured, as they got the least amount of camera time this week.

Ayana's dress is called a "show-stopper." Unfortunately, by my clock, there's still about 30 minutes left in the program, so that's not at all true. Zac calls it "surrealist Bo Peep," (I think it looked like a giant baby bassinet.) They love the color, the volume, the giant bow. It is a fun look, and if you think about it, it fit Ayana's "modest" aesthetic pretty well as only Liris' neck and her lower legs was showing. It was a "different side of Ayana" that we hadn't seen before.

Michael revealed that his was meant to emulate a "melting disco ball." The judges felt it was well-made and imaginative. Zac called it a "futuristic tin man." I think it looked like a boa constrictor had crawled into his garment just before his model did and it had wrapped itself around her body.

Brandon's is roundly praised as being "really cool." I don't think it was any more "avant-garde" than anything else he had made during the course of the competition. It had layers, appeared to be made from cotton (though it was probably a more expensive material) and sported a shit ton of those weird strips of cloth that he likes to put on everything. I thought it looked like a pile of folded napkins tangled with an apron left behind by Craft Services.

Batani's looks like a pile of scraps. She had left a bit of black stretch skirt un-embellished, and that looked like a mistake to the judges. To me, too. It appeared to be falling apart, unfinished, not polished. Zac said he wrote down "laundry day." I'm guessing he meant a pile of dirty laundry and not the one clean thing left to wear, but it works either way if the only clean thing was a duvet cover.

Amy's coat thingy is a bit baffling. Her usual streamlined aesthetic isn't visible, and the overall design isn't risky enough. Zac felt it was "sad and depressing." Nobody mentions that it looks nothing like something inspired by a line of saccharine pink and purple kids' toys.

Heidi loved Margarita's look. She thought it was "beyond stunning" and "like a cloud." Like Batani's look, Margarita's was a big pile of fabric, but it was more thoughtfully assembled.

While the judges were taking a closer look at the garments, Zac noted that they were getting close to fashion week and perhaps should start really cutting back on the designers. That prompted the elimination of two people this week. Batani's elimination was obvious, but it was also Amy's time to go. She had made some great garments this season, though was only safe every week. I think it was unfair for her to go home for her first mistake. I mean, it wasn't awful, just not good. But the judges were feeling rather cut-throat, I guess, after the whole debacle with Hairy Twin.

Disco Ball Michael got the win. Can't wait to see the hideous toy that results!

Next week: ZZZzzzzzZZzzzzzz! Oh wait - it's an unconventional materials challenge. Could be fun, but probably not.

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Project Runway Recap - Season 16, Episode 8

I know you've all been on tenterhooks since last week, awaiting this recap with bated breath, and assorted other old-fashioned phrases expressing a sensation of anticipation. Or not. Perhaps you have forgotten that the fate of the Annoying Twins was completely in their own hands. They ended up in the bottom three, but as the judges could not tell which of them was responsible for the more egregious bits of their garments, they would be forced to battle each other in a fierce hour-long hairy-head-to-bald-head contest, with the winner saying a fond farewell to her loser sister. Rather than subject viewers to an extended episode last week, the conflict was to take place at the start of this week's episode. So when we join the show, we see Heidi--still seated with the other judges--banishing Hairy and Baldie to the workroom where they are to use the fabric there to create a look, one of which needed to be at least passable. And no helping each other!

Hairy tells us this is a "tiresome" situation, but she sets immediately to work, grabbing some blue fabric and scissors and draping a dress. Baldie just cries, her hot pink mouth opening and closing like that of a cartoon fish, tears streaming down her cheeks but not budging her industrial-strength mascara. She demands to see Tim, who steps into the workroom. Baldie concedes the competition to her sister, who is still working furiously, demonstrating that she deserves to remain.

There is still quite a bit of time left in their hour, but the Annoying Twins and Tim go out to the runway to find the judges and give them the news.

Tim seems somewhat choked up, guest judge Asia Kate sheds some actual tears, and Zac looks affected at the news that Baldie has volunteered to leave. Heidi simply says, "huzzah!" and Nina nods. It is done.

Meanwhile, the other designers are still sitting on those damn couches in the green room, wondering what the hell is going on and why it's taking even longer this week to make a decision.

The next day, the designers all troop into the workroom and take their places near dress forms that seem somewhat smaller than usual. Tim enters with Teresa Bossong, Brand Building Leader for Dixie, the company behind all of those annoying commercials for sturdy, environmentally unsound, coffee cups. They are there to present this week's overly-complicated challenge of many elements. The first element is important: the designers will be creating looks for "women on the go," which I assume means no housecoats and jammies. The second element of the challenge is relatively unimportant: these women are friends and relatives of Project Runway crew members (photographers, directors, producers, etc.). Third, this will also be a custom print challenge. Fourth, the winning design will be printed on a Dixie To Go cup, and the designer will get a $25,000 award. That last thing is the most important point of all, wouldn't you agree?

The designers are pre-matched with their client models, all of whom want a look for a different occasion, like a wedding or day-to-night or just to wear to feel beautiful. They get to brainstorm design ideas for 30 minutes, get 20 minutes to finalize their custom print, and finally take a trip to Mood for $150 of supplemental fabrics. That seems like a pretty big budget, doesn't it? This is a coveted two-day challenge, so there's plenty of time to get things right. Or, not, as the case may be. There are always issues.

Though this is a custom print challenge, Last Twin Standing's client model hates prints. This means Hairy has to think a bit to satisfy both the challenge and her client. Can she do this without consulting with her sister every 45 seconds? She has decided to use the print on one pant leg, making the other black. As for the top, she starts draping a blouse that to Margarita looks exactly like the top of her winning shirt dress from last week. It has an asymmetrical slash across the bodice, a high collarless neckline, and ruching on the sides. Margarita starts telling everyone who will listen and some who will not that Hairy is stealing her design.

When the fabrics come in the next morning, there are mixed emotions all around. Kentaro likes his bold hot pink and red stripe, but the material is stiff. He decides to use it to make a jacket for his client, who wants a look to wear to an Indian wedding. Michael is happy with his fabric, which is mostly white and decorated with a small motif of orange triangles and other shapes. Margarita, who has already gotten herself in a tizzy over Hairy's design, hates her own fabric. Hates that it looks tribal, that the colors are weird. She grabs a bottle of turquoise dye and re-colors her hot pink fabric to a more florid hot pink and aqua job that looks like the exterior of a Miami nightclub. Still, she seems happier with it.

Actually, the fabric looks almost exactly like the print on the cushions of a piece of rattan furniture my parents had in the 80s. I wish I had a photo of it to share with you, but you'll have to trust me on that.

When Tim comes in for his critique, he advises Kentaro that his look is too simple and not inventive enough. Batani's client, who is a breast cancer survivor, wants something colorful. Tim thinks the light denim dress Batani has made appears to be a "gray shroud," which is probably the most opposite of colorful that one can get. Luckily, there's some purple fabric, too, which is an improvement. Kenya's textile is a soft pink fabric with a pattern of stylized fireflies. Her customer is a 60-year-old first-time grandmother who doesn't feel like and certainly doesn't want to look like a granny. Kenya has created separates with peplums on both the top and skirt, but Tim doesn't think the upper one is such a great idea, and that it doesn't seem integrated.

After considering Hairy's design for a few moments, Tim tells her he's seen it before. We see Margarita in the background, waiting for a moment when she can jump forward and shout, "a-HA!" Tim continues that he's seen the look from Hairy before. Margarita is absolutely fuming.

Some time later, when Hairy is asking her for advice, Margarita ignores her before reluctantly giving a few thoughts on sleeves. It's completely childish behavior on Margarita's part.

At no time during the two days does Margarita suggest that Hairy is working on something that seems derivative of the winning look from last week. Meanwhile, Hairy has decided to change things on her own, moving the keyhole from a diagonal position to one at the center of the shirt, and adding similar slashes near the sleeves. At this point, especially in the solid black fabric she has chosen for the garment, it really doesn't look like Margarita's at all.

While Margarita is fuming, she keeps repinning and recutting her own fabric incorrectly. She ruins all of the gray she had planned on using for her dress and has to resort to using a not-quite-matching hot pink. She's embarrassed that she's created such a "Barney" looking outfit. I'd be more embarrassed about stewing over something that's not really my business rather than concentrating on winning $25,000.

Still, she fumes, and talks behind Hairy's back in Spanish with her buddy Michael. Now it seems that she thinks Hairy has a pair of pants hidden somewhere that she's using as the pattern for the ones she's creating. Which sure sounds like cheating to me. But if that is the case, why doesn't Margarita say something to anyone involved with the production?

The next morning, Tim comes in to tell the designers to send their models to the Kindergartners with Fingerpaints Beauty Lounge and the Oh Fuck It! Hair Studio and to use the JC Penney accessories wall "carefully."

This week's guest judges are Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Yolanda Hadid, mom to models Gigi and Bella, and Sophia Stallone, 21-year-old model daughter of Sylvester Stallone. Heidi comes out onto the runway and asks the assembled designers how the work went. Margarita suggests she had a bad time this week, and Heidi says it's a good thing she had immunity and can't be eliminated no matter how shitty her garment looks. And oh by the way, it's the last immunity, so she should really thank her lucky stars.

Hairy, Batani, Kentaro, Kenya, Michael, and Margarita are pulled out of the lineup as the top and bottom looks. Once the critique starts, however, it's hard to tell who's on top or bottom, as everyone gets criticized.

Batani's the print queen, but where is her print? It came out with a much larger spacing than she had intended, so she cut her tie-dye motifs out of the original fabric and combined them into strips on her garment, which, to the judges, seemed like an afterthought. Heidi thought the outfit looked like something one would wear to Coachella, hippy-dippy. My guess is that Batani's definitely on the bottom.

Zac was disappointed in Michael's outfit. The design, which was made to look like a Native American blanket, was ambitious, but he clearly didn't take his client's proportions into consideration. She was rather short and round, and those pants would work better on someone much taller. Not that pants made to look like a heavy wool blanket could possibly look flattering on any human. (Bottom.)

Kenya's top peplum was unflattering, yet the judges thought the top was otherwise beautiful, elegant, and classy, with exceptional detailing. The skirt was too tight, and the flounce at the bottom was a bit much. Still, can't decide if this look is on the top or on the bottom.

Kentaro's look was called "sublime." Zac was simply blown away. Heidi, on the other hand, thought the model appeared to be drowning in fabric. Nina disagreed, calling it 360° elegance. Kentaro said he was feeling like a new designer, after giving up his extensive use of black. Nina felt proud that she's seen Kentaro growing right there in front of her. They just love Kentaro, so I'm guessing this look was definitely on the top.

Heidi thinks Hairy's look is perfect, both chic and modern. The use of her giant black and white print is effective in the pants. Nina isn't blown away, and Zac thinks she's more creative than that. Yet, if Heidi likes it, it's on the top. Maybe.

Finally, the judges tell Margarita that her dress and jacket aren't quite working together. Zac likes the print though. Margarita tells them she was distracted in the workroom, but when pressed for information by Heidi, she says she doesn't want to talk about it or throw anyone under the bus. At this point, I'm pretty sure Heidi knows exactly what was going on in the workroom. I think that after Margarita indicated before the runway show that she had issues during the challenge, Heidi sent out some feelers to the crew to find out what had gone down. (Bottom?)

Why else would they give Hairy the win? Even after the judges took a closer look at the winning and losing looks, only Heidi was enthusiastic about Hairy's shirt and pants. It really seemed that Kentaro was going to be the winner, or maybe even Kenya, since her client seemed so very happy, despite the unflattering boobskirt.

Once Hairy is declared the winner, all eyes are on Margarita, though she doesn't get a chance to react. Michael steals her thunder by storming off the runway. He tells someone backstage that he's there to play fair, but this win lacked fairness. Tim heads backstage to see what's going on.

And the episode ends, just like that. We don't see who is eliminated this week, if anyone. If Michael leaves the premises, than he'll be the designer that is out. We can speculate that in next week's show he reveals something about Hairy cheating. Think back to all of the Dixie To Go commercials we've seen over the past 7 weeks. Doesn't the black and white cup used in every one of them look just like Hairy's design? Why would they want another very similar design? Will they take the win away from her?

Stay tuned....

Posted by theminx on Opalescentminx.com Because of past content theft, I am forced to add this statement to the end of my posts: If you're reading this post anywhere other than the Opalescent blog, OpalescentMinx.com (also http://minxbeads.blogspot.com) then this content has been stolen. Please do not support this thief!

Project Runway Recap - Season 16, Episode 3

I'm happy to report that episode 3 was much more entertaining than episode 2. While the Annoying Twins were (indeed) still annoying, there was less focus on them this week. There was plenty of other drama though. The good kind, involving fashion, and not over-the-top personalities or lying or back-stabbing or any of the other childish stuff that adults do when they are thrown in a room full of other people and submerged in a high-pressure situation like a reality competition. Or the White House.

Anyhoo...

Heidi is attempting to teach Tim how to dance. She tells him to "shake his booty," but he's not altogether sure what part of the body constitutes his booty.

They jump behind the runway scrim and their shadows tell a story that makes the assembled designers laugh. When they emerge, Heidi and Tim present the next challenge, which is to create a fashionable look informed by dance, movement, and innovation. For inspiration, they watch the new animated movie, Leap! conveniently open in theaters right now and possibly one of the reasons the season started so late this year. The movie was released last Friday, the 25th, and it was important for the PR episode to run at about the same time. (If the season doesn't seem to have started late to you, take into consideration that Fashion Week starts next week and the PR show is slated for the morning of September 8th, a week from today. And there are still how many designers left? Yes, it looks like the finale will once again be an anonymous show that will have the designers introductions added digitally after the fact. But I digress. As usual.)

After the movie, members of Hiplet, a troupe of dancers that do hip hop dance en pointe, do a demo. While I know there are people who are excited about this mashup, personally I think it needs some work. Hip Hop dance is amazing. Ballet is amazing. The two together appear to me to be ballet with lots of arm waving. And "Hiplet" (pronounced "hip lay") is quite the awkward bi-lingual portmanteau. But I'm sure it will be super popular and they'll make a movie and a Broadway show about it and the Bolshoi will incorporate it into their repertoire and people will say I was wrong and mean to criticize. But everything needs criticism--how else do we know when things need to be improved or changed?

The designers get 30 minutes to sketch right there in their seats by the runway before spending $200 each at Mood. Margarita tells us she's inspired by the traditional Puerto Rican dance style called Bomba and the ruffled costumes women wear while doing this dance. Kintaro is inspired by classical ballet, sans hip-hop, as he played classical piano since the age of 3. He plans to do something Swan Lake-ish. Kudzanai wants all of the colors that Mood has to offer for his African-inspired design, which by the looks of the piles of stuff he's purchasing is based on ancestral clown vomit.

Back in the workroom, the first line of business for the Annoying Twins is to drop an entire box of straight pins on the floor and scurry noisily like angry squirrels to pick them up. On a calmer, gentler note, we see that Mexican Michael and Puerto Rican Margarita have bonded because of their shared language. Plus they both seem to be kind and gentle people. This is one of my favorite things about creative reality competition shows (the only kind I watch), the moments when, instead of table flipping and under-bus people-throwing, contestants find common ground and bond. 💜

Deyonté has purchased several fabrics in a fabulous shade of chartreuse, which happens to be my favorite color. I am picturing an end result that is beautiful and flowy, with a long skirt that has lots of movement. But before we get to see his vision completed, Deyonté drives the sewing machine needle down sideways through his finger tip. It's bad enough that the medic has to come and bandage him up, but there's also blood on the sewing machine. Which Deyonté wipes off with a tissue? Hey, producers, it's blood! Shouldn't there be some hazmat team around to do clean up when this sort of thing occurs? The designers use the same sewing machines regularly, but think of the models who might have to wear bloodstained clothes. Not saying that anyone has anything communicable, but why take the risk?

Meanwhile, the Annoying Twins are running around like the proverbial headless chickens. Baldie is dying her fabric in a separate room, but before she gets that far, she knocks over a table. The floor is slick, so both twins take turns falling down as they run around. Is running part of their process? Or are they disorganized? or just not linear thinkers? Not only are they racing about like toddlers after too many cookies, they're calling to each other every few minutes, "hey, pumpkin, can you come look at this?" for help/critiques/moral support/just for shits and grins. Note to the producers: Next time you have twins as contestants, make sure they're Siamese. There will be half as much running around, and no need to shout for your twin's attention as she is literally right there.

Quite the opposite of the Annoying Twins is Brandon, who seems very zen. The designers have started teasing him about it, how he gets in the zone and can ignore everything around him--including direct questions--while he's cutting and sewing. It's really a great ability to have, especially when you're stuck in a room with Baldie and Hairy.

Tim comes in for his critique, which doesn't seem to have as much of the usual hand-to-chin contemplation (though there is some of it). He's in love with almost everything. Kenya's patterned suit is "smashing," Michael's dress and cover-up are "fabulous," Samantha's black dress with many textures is "quite magnificent," Amy's convertible jumpsuit/sweater is "remarkable." He even doesn't hate what the Annoying Twins are doing, but he tells Hairy to stay away from Red Bull and Coffee and Baldie that perhaps she's a tad too literal in her interpretation of the dance portion of the challenge. Tim seems to like pink-haired John Lennon's jumpsuit idea, but doesn't want it to be a "puu-puu" platter of different treatments. When he gets to Margarita and listens to her explanations of ruffled sleeves and ruffled skirt, he tells her he's afraid it's "full-on costume," which it absolutely is. Ayana has a "lot going on," and Kudzanai's design with its fringe and feathers and gee-gaws, is "a lot of look," but overall, Tim "couldn't be happier" with the work so far.

The designers who received criticism rework their looks a bit. Margarita decides to turn the bodice of her bodysuit around, so the revealing open back becomes a midriff-baring front. She keeps the ruffled sleeves but tones down the skirt. Ayana got dinged for her fabric choice, so she uses the reverse side, which is more subtle. But Kudzanai is going full steam ahead with his cacophony of colors, textures, and trim. When the models come in for a fitting, the part of it that he has assembled looks like a bad arts-and-crafts project. Nobody is getting a "loser edit" this week, but I start feeling that something is up with Kudzanai. Either the judges will hate his look, or fall in love with it, as they sometimes do with absolute bullshit.

Margarita is also having issues with blood, only not her own. Her outfit is still pinned together during the fitting. While undressing, one stabs the model, who bleeds. Did I mention Margarita's outfit was all white? Cotton, no less. I have to wonder if she's going to resort to splashing red paint on her look to make the blood match, or if she will be able to hide it. Speaking of blood, Deyonté is in pain, but needs to finish his dress. It looks terrible on the model; it's too short, which makes her legs look very very long, which only emphasizes that it's too short. Pink-haired John Lennon's model has a longer torso than he allowed for, so he has to recut parts of his jumpsuit. Brandon's model is happy that she's working with him because, "all the girls are kinda like in love with him." It's the zen.

The next day, everyone gets time to finish (mostly) as models are sent down to the Ding Dong! Avon Calling Studio for makeup and The Ratings Are So Low Nobody Wants To Sponsor Our Hair Salon to get their hair did. And let's not forget accessorizing with baubles from WalMart Claire's Boutique JC Penney!

The guest judge for this week is 14-year-old Maddie Ziegler, formerly of Lifetime's Dance Moms, dancer in Sia videos, author, model, fashion designer, and star of the movie Leap! I only know her from the videos for Chandelier and Elastic Heart, which were impressive, considering she was 11 or 12 when she made them. She is such a good dancer, one can almost ignore that Shia LaBeouf was in the latter video. The runway show is pretty good, some garments are really pretty fab, but there can only be three top and three bottom looks and they are:

Top: Batani, Margarita, and Brandon

Zac wasn't into the metallic material in Batani's butterfly-esque caped outfit, but he liked the look overall. The judges felt it flowed nicely and really fit the dance theme. Everyone felt Margarita's was dramatic, crisp, and fashionable. They loved the spirit and the little pop of color (not from the blood stain, but from a bit of red on the bodice and on the underside of the skirt. They thought turning the bodice back to front was very smart fabrication, and they even liked the puffy sleeves. But Brandon's layered shirt dress blew them all away. It was well made and creative. Other adjectives used were chic, cool, modern, and lyrical.

Bottom:  Deyonté, Kentaro, amd Kudzanai

Poor Deyonté's injury didn't get him any sympathy for his poorly-made and ill-fitting dress. The skirt was too short, the waist came up too high and looked uncomfortable. The proportion of the hi-low hemline was way out of wack. Additionally, the entire bodice was pinned closed because he didn't have time to sew it shut. Not to mention that it did nothing good for her boobs. Kentaro got dinged for not having a good "runway impact." His interpretation of the dance aspect of the challenge was a bit too literal, and it seemed as if he didn't make enough of an effort. Especially when it turned out that the back of the skirt was open, like an apron. Kudzani, on the other hand, made too much of an effort. Zac thought he was overly inspired by the children's movie, what with all the colors and fringes and feathers. It was like a pinata exploded. The construction was ambitious, but a mess. Maximalism to the max. I think the dress itself, without all the shit on it, could have been interesting for an athleisure challenge, as it reminded me of an oversized sweatshirt with extra details. Alas, this was not that kind of challenge.

It was no surprise when Brandon was declared the winner, as they positively salivated over his dress. Also not a surprise was Kudzanai's aufing. What did kinda surprise me was that Tim didn't say his usual, "we're going to miss you/I'm going to have to tell you to pack up your workstation" lines. It was basically, "bye!" Strange, because Kudzanai seemed to be a nice, quiet, hard-working guy and Tim even seems to like the schmucks. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, huh?

Next week: the designers get to sleep with some guy named Al Fresco at the top of the Empire State Building!

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